To His Coy Mistress: An Analysis

So: I figured I should do something on this topic of metaphysical poetry, to supplement my extra reading ahead of university. It is – to my mild surprise – a very interesting period, because it takes a style that seems inherently classical and uses it to answer much broader questions about life, the Universe and everything. The metaphysical is, weirdly, kind of like Doctor Who, because it can seem an incredibly hackneyed and clichéd genre, basically the epitome of “help me, this poem is old and terrible.” It seems quite basic, in the sense of “this is a boring, old, terrible poem”, but the questions they ask are all weird and newfangled once you get into them.

The imagery is pretty cool, too. Donne’s flea in the eponymous poem is the gold standard, best-known, metaphysical conceit, and they only get weirder.

I think the Doctor Who allegory (above) was a bit nonsensical, and to be honest I only used it because it segues nicely into what I’m going to look at today: Marvell’s To His Coy Mistress, of which the famous opening lines, “Had we but world enough and time / This coyness, lady, were no crime”, gave us a title for a DW episode this year.

Anyway, moving on:

To His Coy Mistress, by Andrew Marvell

Had we but world enough and time,

This coyness, lady, were no crime.

We would sit down, and think which way

To walk, and pass our long love’s day.

Thou by the Indian Ganges’ side [5]

Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide

Of Humber would complain. I would

Love you ten years before the flood,

And you should, if you please, refuse

Till the conversion of the Jews. [10]

My vegetable love should grow

Vaster than empires and more slow;

An hundred years should go to praise

Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze;

Two hundred to adore each breast, [15]

But thirty thousand to the rest;

An age at least to every part,

And the last age should show your heart.

For, lady, you deserve this state,

Nor would I love at lower rate. [20]

       But at my back I always hear

Time’s wingèd chariot hurrying near;

And yonder all before us lie

Deserts of vast eternity.

Thy beauty shall no more be found; [25]

Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound

My echoing song; then worms shall try

That long-preserved virginity,

And your quaint honour turn to dust,

And into ashes all my lust; [30]

The grave’s a fine and private place,

But none, I think, do there embrace.

       Now therefore, while the youthful hue

Sits on thy skin like morning dew,

And while thy willing soul transpires [35]

At every pore with instant fires,

Now let us sport us while we may,

And now, like amorous birds of prey,

Rather at once our time devour

Than languish in his slow-chapped power. [40]

Let us roll all our strength and all

Our sweetness up into one ball,

And tear our pleasures with rough strife

Through the iron gates of life:

Thus, though we cannot make our sun [45]

Stand still, yet we will make him run.


Okay, then.

Had we but world enough and time,

This coyness, lady, were no crime.

So, the narrator opens with a lament, “had we but world enough and time”, immediately imposing a certain negativity on the poem. By instantly putting himself down in this way, he adds another motivation for the nameless woman to cheer him up by offering sex. Not only will it fulfil her (as he goes on to argue), but she’ll be getting rid of this depressive mood that has settled over both of them, so everybody wins. But it’s more important to draw our attention to the “we”, as this is stressed by the tetrameter;  the narrator instantly identifies himself with the object of his affections, and imposes his feelings upon her. If we take a gendered perspective on this, we could argue that Marvell views the role of the woman in the relationship is to be immediately subservient. This isn’t at all odd, but what is kind of strange is the fact that he goes after her heart so hard. But if his ideal woman is bound to follow his feelings, what’s the point? It’s somewhat oxymoronic that he both wants this woman to do exactly as he commands, but at the same time he feels the need to pursue her. So the narrator doesn’t really know what he wants either, despite the fact that he gives the impression of being assured and in command of the situation.

Moving on: after the narrator reproaches the lady’s “coyness”, he continues his lamentation by describing what they would do if they had the time (lines 5-10)

Thou by the Indian Ganges’ side

Shouldst rubies find: I by the tide

Of Humber would complain. I would

Love you ten years before the flood:

And you should, if you please, refuse

Till the conversion of the Jews.

The narrator confirms himself as Marvell with the reference to “the tide / Of Humber”; Marvell was from Hull, by which the river Humber runs. He juxtaposes this by placing his love at the “Indian Ganges”. He also juxtaposes the wealth and prosperity of their lives; while he lives a mundane life in Hull – probably the worst city in England, even during Marvell’s time – she is down by the Ganges, finding “rubies” in the river. A colonic caesura “Shouldst rubies find: I by the tide” reinforces the separation between the two, and splits lines 5-7 into two separate masculine and feminine halves. There’s a disparity between his side, which, again displays mundanity, and hers, which uses a lot more flamboyant allusions and altogether brighter language. This is explicitly suggestive of her beauty, but if we look beyond that, it seems to undercut this illusion: “Indian Ganges” and “rubies”, though lurid, are hardly complex in a linguistic sense; we can say these words very easily. So while the “coy mistress” masquerades herself as some enigmatic figure decked in jewels, she’s really quite a simple animal – like Marvell himself. There’s also an interesting repetition of “should” or variations thereon in lines 6, 9 and 11. We’re reminded that this is all hypothetical, but using “should” rather than “could” is a bit more authoritative – shades of Donne’s “The Flea” come through here – and also creates an argument of fate within the poem.

An hundred years should go to praise

Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze.

Two hundred to adore each breast:

But thirty thousand to the rest.

This passage (lines 12-15) is interesting for all the subversions the poetic line allows. Marvell opens with “An hundred years should go to praise”, which a godly fellow might agree with, then moves onto the next line with “Thine eyes”, proving that he hasn’t had a religious epiphany, but is, indeed, back to wooing this woman. He then moves on to “Two hundred to adore each breast.” Obviously, with “breast” coming in here, there’s a lot of sexuality coming through, but again, Marvell subverts this: he isn’t filthy minded after all; in fact, he’s devoting “thirty thousand” years to the rest, turning away from the overt place of sexuality. Of course, by taking so long in doing this, he’s imposing his will on the woman again; he can only spend “an age” admiring her if she just stands there naked in front of him and does nothing. So she’s become a static object for his voyeurism, which leads us back to Marvell wanting to impose complete control over his love; notice that she doesn’t seem to have anything of an active role within the poem. What if she wants to spend thirty thousand years admiring him? Well, we can’t have that, because by doing so, she gains a certain lusty quality that he (implicitly) doesn’t really want. This can be compared with Donne’s “The Good Morrow”, as in that poem Donne advocates for a (more or less) equal role for the woman: “let us possess one world, each hath one, and is one,” allowing her to engage in lustful behaviour alongside him.

And yonder all before us lie

Deserts of vast eternity.

Thy beauty shall no more be found;

Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound

My echoing song; then worms shall try

That long-preserved virginity,

And your quaint honour turn to dust,

And into ashes all my lust;

This passage (lines 23-30) is interesting for making use of slant rhymes/half-rhymes, on “lie / eternity” and “try / virginity”. This creates an unsettling undertone for a passage which, after all, is all about the loneliness of death. Thus the “coy mistress”, in this part, would be discouraged by the unfamiliar rhythm on hearing Marvell’s description of the grave. Wouldn’t she much rather be somewhere nice, where everything rhymes? And if that’s not enough, there’s some nice invokation of Christian prayer – “dust”, “ashes”. Marvell implies that her virginity would be destroyed by worms – if we take that in a literal sense, that’s a truly horrifying image – so he wouldn’t she much rather have it ‘destroyed’ by him, a man who lusts for her. It’s better for both of them, because in doing so, she’ll also vanquish his lust without the need for worms to destroy that, too.

And while thy willing soul transpires

At every pore with instant fires,

 One of my favourite images from the poem is at the start of the third stanza, on lines 35-36. “Transpir[ation]” is an interesting term to use, as it links to natural imagery, more specifically to Marvell’s mention of “vegetable love” in line 11. In his case, “vegetable love” is a phallic symbol; with her, it’s a little more difficult to decipher, but it could easily relate to a vagina. Transpiration is a natural process in plants, so maybe Marvell is implying that to have sex with him – for her soul to “transpire” – would also be natural, and she wouldn’t be judged for it. At the same time, he could be referring to the menstrual cycle, but on balance this is probably less likely given what he’s trying to stir in her during this poem. Alternatively, we can take things away for a bit, and consider that the invocation of the pastoral is a common metaphysical theme, especially in Marvell’s poetry, where he considers “The Garden” to be his own personal paradise and uses it to explore man’s responsibilities in the natural world. Either way, though, the next line, “instant fires”, seems to immediately destroy that imagery with what seems to be a reference to Hell itself. That seems to reinforce the common suggestion that the “transpiration” is sinful and will condemn them both to hell, which is inconsistent. So how do we look at this? Well, Marvell posits the verb “transpire” as an action of the woman. When she does the transpiring, she’ll be condemning herself to hell for her lust, but… it’s all right if he does the transpiring instead, and pursues his lust for her. All this seems to suggest that Marvell is glad that his mistress is “coy”, because he wouldn’t want to go pursuing someone who has equal lust for him. So throughout this poem, though he’s coaxing her to “seize the day”, he might not actually want her to do that. What he wants her to do is fall for him after his relentless assault, not to simply swoon and collapse into his arms. Arguably this lends some strength to the female character, but at the same time, there’s such egregious misogyny here that the view is difficult to support.

Now let us sport us while we may,

And now, like amorous birds of prey,

Rather at once our time devour

Than languish in his slow-chapped power.

Let us roll all our strength and all

Our sweetness up into one ball,

And tear our pleasures with rough strife

Through the iron gates of life:

Marvell goes on with this condemnation with imagery of “birds of prey”, “slow-chapped power” (slow-chapped meaning “slowly devouring”), “devour[ing]” and “tear[ing]” roughly, and imprisonment behind “iron grates”. This very brutal imagery, again, seems to suggest that it is dangerous to let lust consume the woman; he’s turning her away from lust, warning her that it’s some sort of monster that only he, as a man, is capable of defeating. But at the same time, he wants her to try and engage with the lust, at his side, a sort of faithful sidekick following the hero on his quest – in other words, he doesn’t want her to ‘fight’ lust with anyone other than him, and he doesn’t want her to be with anyone other than him when she reveals her full potential of her lust.

Thus, though we cannot make our sun

Stand still, yet we will make him run.

At the end of the poem, Marvell offers another reason for engaging with ‘the beast of lust’. He again returns to his initial invocation that time is short, but offers an alternative solution; instead of trying to outrun it – which is impossible – they should fight it by making it go faster (“mak[ing] him run”). It’s almost a heroic invocation, calling the mistress up to fight alongside him even if their battle is ultimately futile. This can be compared to Donne’s “The Sun Rising”, though with a bit more humility – unlike Donne, Marvell knows that he cannot defeat cosmic powers like “the sun”, but he will put up a good fight against this entity which, as he believed, orchestrated time. In joining him, the coy mistress will help prove his masculinity and heroism, and also enhance her own heroic virtue, though, as he previously reminds her, it is too dangerous for her to take this fight alone.

Though it may constitute a stretch of the language, there is an alternative interpretation of the final line, in which “sun” can be read as “son”. This undermines the idea of the great battle with a quainter outcome. The narrator suggests that, if he and his lover have sex, they cannot prevent the conception of a son. But what they can do is maintain their relationship and raise him together in the spirit of their love: “they can make him run”. Though this isn’t quite as exciting as the other interpretation of the giant Paradise Lost-style battle of the cosmos, it gives a bit of credibility back to the narrator, as it removes the idea that he’s unecessarily concerned with his own vanity and masculinity, and gives him some credibility in wanting a genuine relationship. But you know, that’s a bit boring.






Questions of Adaptation, Questions in Adaptation

My first piece of reading for this week was Margaret Atwood’s Hag-Seed, “a contemporary retelling” of Shakespeare’s The Tempest. I actually picked this one up for Atwood rather than for Shakespeare; given my general unfamiliarity with The Tempest, I was about halfway through before I did my research and actually realised what I was reading.

Felix (“lucky, prosperous — hence, Prospero”) is the artistic director of the Makeshiweg festival who, after being wronged by his contemporaries, ends up in a situation where he ends up preparing for a performance of The Tempest at his local prison – with inmates instead of actors. Thus the dualistic narrative merges the play-within-the-play with the play-within-the-play-within-the-play to offer two different interpretations of The Tempest. The prison production of the play, with performances from such colourfully-monikered characters as 8Handz, WonderBoy and Bent Pencil, seems to favour an interpretation that The Tempest, to some extent, is an exploration of the baser impulses of humanity (blah blah blah) when left in microcosm. As part of their course requirements, Felix asks the prisoners to consider their roles within the play and, more tellingly, what they think will happen to their respective characters once the play has ended. Many of the prisoners envisage bleak fates for the play’s cast, mostly as a result of Caliban’s primeval tendencies and Prospero’s naivety in forgiving Alonso. This favours an interpretation of Caliban as no more than an anagram of “cannibal”, a colonized subject who, in the case, is cannibalizing his newfound society on the boat back to Milan. Another interesting interpretation, though, is the argument that Caliban is the child of Prospero – though the idea is unreasonable in a literal sense, it could be interpreted as a commentary on the way that lawlessness in modern society is a result of society’s own impositions – in the context of the novel, an argument that defunding prison programs serves only to make the prisoners less amenable to rehabilitation.

Elsewhere, Felix’s backstory is very hurriedly sketched out, and the story, on its own, is almost cliché. The characters in the book are, on the face of things, rather one-note and cartoonish. I’m convinced, though, that this is deliberate on Atwood’s part; the tale of Hag-Seed means infinitely more when read in conjunction and in comparison with The Tempest. One of Atwood’s cleverer tricks is the recurrence of Felix’s daughter Miranda, who died when she was three. Though her most obvious resemblance is to the Miranda of the text, Atwood gradually steers the reader towards seeing her as Ariel – her unseen existence is similar to the prisoners’ interpretation of Ariel – and a romance between two new characters who obviously fit the roles of Miranda and Ferdinand confirms this. The final lines of the main text and the epilogue mirror the ending of The Tempest, but in reverse; first Felix reflects that he has been “Set… free” by the performance, and then says thusly to his imagined Miranda: “to the elements / Be free”. Whereas at the end of The Tempest, Prospero finds himself in solitude and requires the audience to set him free, Felix’s isolation is ultimately self-imposed, but could arguably also represent an element of mercy, both for himself and his spirit-like daughter. But at the same time, he does expect Miranda to be watching, promising him the equivalent of “calm seas, auspicious gales / And sail so expeditious that shall catch / [His] royal fleet far off.”

It’s arguably more interesting to look at this interpretation not because of their implications in direct competition with the play, but outside of that. Shakespeare was content to leave the ending of The Tempest quite open-ended. But in Hag-Seed, the way in which Felix’s assignment asks us to go beyond this suggests a modern desire for answers even if it is narratively problematic. And like TV shows that go on too long with seemingly no prospect of ending, Shakespeare’s plays would be considerably weaker if they devolved into speculative fiction.

But Felix’s search for answers, given his deep personal connection with the play, is more of a soul-searching exercise than an actual interest in what happens. When he awards all teams of prisoners full marks for their explorations, we get the sense that he means it with a sort of unexpected sincerity. His desperation to know – to comfort himself – arguably reflects the modern obsession with answers, but the question remains of whether his character is diminished as a literary critic for this. Are we weaker because we, as modern readers, seek comfort in an ending?

Maybe not. Felix, unlike Prospero, is not pandering to an audience at the end. He has moved past that stage, and the world he lives in now is one that is not comfortable, but certain, and in a way, clichéd. He decides that he won’t bother with the Makeshiweg Festival anymore; his interpretation of The Tempest at the prison is the one he wanted to stage all along. It’s the sort of indulgent, hackneyed resolution that we’d come to expect – a basic plot of sorts – but at the same time, we’re glad of it, and arguably richer for it. And at the same time, as Felix realises that the actress Anne-Marie Greenland was his Miranda all along, and Miranda his willing-but-sometimes-not-willing Ariel, we don’t want to know any more.

From The Western Canon to… Um, Fifty Shades of Grey

Three things to note about this essay:

One, I’m not reading it for pleasure, but then, I doubt that many people do, and I don’t think Prof. Bloom would expect anyone to be. I’m sure he can appreciate the pragmatism of my using it as a text to enable me to know what I’m talking about when/if I head to university next year, though, and for the interviews that may come prior to that. So there’s a bit of honesty out of the way.

Two: I haven’t read the book entirely, or anywhere close to it, and I don’t intend to, since I haven’t read all of the authors it mentions anyway. But I’ve read the introduction and his opening “An Elegy for the Canon” – in a seemingly rare burst of humour, Bloom tells us that he’s not writing an elegy for the canon, and then, of course, proceeds to do exactly that with a kind of irritably sarcastic pessimism. I’ve also read most of the chapter on Milton – though I read it much too quickly and can’t remember a word of what he talked about there, so I’ll have to read this.

Three: I am completely out of my depth here; this is the first proper piece of literary criticism I’ve ever read – as a full text, rather than an extract – and whatever I say here will likely be refuted a thousand times within The Western Canon as I go forwards. And three, part two: I’m currently writing this in a coffee-fuelled haze, so there’s not much referencing going on. It’s more a gut reaction than something considered and well-thought-out and even as I write this, I don’t really know where I’m going to end up.

Fourth: a disclaimer of sorts. Prof. Bloom wrote this in 1994. I’m told that it’s a foremost work of literary criticism, but I don’t know how far it reflects his current views given that social and political situations are constantly changing.

So: first of all, we should look at Prof. Bloom’s definition of what the canon actually is. I think his extended metaphor of the canon as some sort of struggle for survival is very appropriate. “What shall the individual who still desires to read attempt to read?” he asks (Bloom, 15). He says “who still desires” and “attempt” with a sort of blunt, disappointed and grandfatherly cynicism, as though he’s disappointed in us for even picking up the book in the first place. He continues this cynical tone as he derides the current state of English literary study, talking about disillusioned readers, old cigar-toting men in their smoky backrooms, who despair in terror since they “cannot be certain that fresh generations [of readers] will prefer Shakespeare and Dante to all other writers” (16). I’m still not entirely sure whether he’s been satirical here; the ensuing paragraphs seem to suggest that this is definitively Bloom’s view, and one that he sympathises with very stronger, but the language is over-indulgent almost the point of parody.

What convinces me that Bloom is ultimately ‘being straight’ with us, though, is his statement that “it was a mistake to believe… literary criticism could become a basis for democratic education” (17). Bloom’s view on how English literature should be taught as a subject are somewhat inflammatory, at the very least; in sharp defiance of government programs introduced across the world throughout the early 21st century that advocate for “no child left behind”. Obviously, Bloom is talking about university study, not about taking Chaucer into a primary school, but nonetheless, I find it interesting to examine the extent of his prgamatism here. His quasi-Machiavellian rhetoric would be amusing if it weren’t so bloody cynical.

This, I think, is the issue I’ve had with Chapter 1 of The Western Canon; it’s a very presumptuous, holier-than-thou critique, and I couldn’t help but wonder Prof. Bloom is playing us all for suckers here. Later in the introduction he talks about Marxist theory, arguing against the notion that literature always has some society- or class-based motivation by stating that Milton would have never have “sacrifice[d]” Paradise Lost even if it meant vanquishing the titanic ideological foe he set out to destroy with his “pugnacious” poem (26). Maybe The Western Canon is just that; criticism written by Prof. Bloom for his own sake. Certainly judging from the introduction, it doesn’t seem particularly welcoming to a wider readership. But again, maybe that’s the point.

While I haven’t really enjoyed the book per se (thus far), I have definitely been intrigued by it. And one thing I can say for reading criticism is that it has convinced me that I made the right choice by choosing to pursue study of English and not History at university.

Anyway, moving on: my own personal thinking skews from discussion of the canon at present into thinking about its future, if there is a future at all. Bloom denies the view that literature will somehow improve society, tearing to shreds that jaded adage that “we study the past to better understand the present”, instead choosing to side with Oscar Wilde’s view that “art is perfectly useless” (16). While I don’t entirely disagree with this (talking in material terms, at least), I think it has its limitations. The canon, for me, is something with sociopolitical relevance at a particular point in time. Just as Milton’s Paradise Lost is a seminal work of 1660s England, there are seminal works of the 2000s and the 2010s. We just don’t know what they are yet.

Or do we? Let me propose something bold: the seminal work of the 2000s is… Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. True, you can’t impose any sort of real literary value on the novel, but maybe that’s because we’re stuck trying to appreciate modern art forms in an archaic way. Maybe the study of English Literature isn’t something with “no future” as Prof. Bloom says, just a little stuck in the past.

Literature has, to some extent, always reflected the society it is written in. And Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone is something that reflects our modern society, where fan literature has, despite the best attempts of the grey-smoke men to stop it, has replaced literary fiction in the popular consciousness. And it is deluded to think that tomorrow’s literary scholars are somehow immune to this, that they are higher beings, and they only appreciate high art. They might not be entirely honest, but if you give a questionnaire to 100 students joining a Russell Group university, and ask them, have you read The Divine Comedy? Paradise Lost? Middlemarch? Nineteen Eighty-Four? there will be those of them who say “No,” every time. But Harry Potter? Hell yes. Every one of them will have read it, and if they haven’t, I’ll eat this hat.

Would it be better, then, if we were lectured on Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, and all our film courses showed was Michael Bay’s Transformers, and the seminal romance novel for university study was that cornerstone of fine literature, EL James’s Fifty Shades of Grey? No. Of course it wouldn’t. And if I time-travelled 100 years into the future, I probably wouldn’t expect to see these novels and films being studied (with the possible exception of Harry Potter). But it’s worth considering what their legacy will be.


Of Wolves and Lions and Liars: Wolf Hall and Bring Up the Bodies

Unlike a lot of these books that just ‘fall into my lap’, Hilary Mantel’s novels Wolf Hall and Bring Up the Bodies arrived in my arms through explicable circumstances. The Early Tudors was a big part of my AS History course last year, and I thought it would both be beneficial to keep up a sort of acquaintance with the period this year before I take my  A-Level exams. And at the same time, I wanted to look at ways in which English and History were interlinked, as I started reading Wolf Hall at a time when I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do at university. Now, I am firmly committed to English, but it is interesting to look at this genre of fiction all the same. And I thought, clearly this Mantel lady is quite a good writer, because she’s managed to win the Booker Prize twice in a span of four years (for Wolf Hall in 2009, for Bring Up the Bodies in 2012). And it seems I was right. Alongside All The Light We Cannot See, Wolf Hall and Bring Up the Bodies are two of my favourite books I’ve read this year.

So that’s my journey to Wolf Hall. But my journey to Wolf Hall, and beyond it, following the king’s minister Thomas Cromwell, was a bit less smooth. I’ve been reading these books since June, so it wasn’t exactly a fast read. That’s not because it’s boring or anything, but because unless one is extremely well-versed in their Tudor history, reading this novel requires a heck of a lot of jumping back and forth to family trees. You could argue that Mantel’s style exarcebates these problems; in a Guardian essay on her writing style from 2010, she informs, “first paragraphs can often be struck out. Are you performing a haka, or just shuffling your feet?” And indeed, we get the sense that Mantel has done a lot of editing to this aim. Personally, I like the style, though I think I’d be unable to imitate it myself, having been consumed by the fantasy genre’s addiction to relentless and often self-congratulatory descriptions of food and fires and stuff. At the same time, though, a chapter that opens with “So: Stephen Gardiner” is a bit jarring, especially to the uninitiated reader. In a way, though, I suppose this punchy writing style is the sort of thing that suits Cromwell, who, though a progressive reformist – and therefore, would be opposed to the unnecessarily romantic style that permeates the historical fiction of the past – isn’t a zealot obsessed with minimalism.

Mantel keeps a very close eye on Cromwell; her point-of-view is limited to the point where the pronoun “he”, at almost any point, can be assumed to refer to Cromwell. Again, it can be a little confusing, but when it works, it is very effective, an assurance that Wolf Hall and Bring Up the Bodies are not simply novels treading the path of a thousand others. The novels are not about Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn and the Dissolution, or even, really, Cromwell’s role in the legislative procedures of the Tudor court, but rather, the man himself: Thomas Cromwell, Cremuel, Tommaso, whatever you want to call him. Testament to this is the fact that, as a reader, I was never actually one-hundred-percent sure exactly what Cromwell does, but he’s always guaranteed to get results, learning all his best lessons from Wolsey’s failures. The contrast of Wolsey’s fall and his protégé’s rise is one of the most effective narrative choices Mantel made in Wolf Hall; it pits the two religious ideologies – progressivism and conservatism more than full-blown Protestantism and Catholicism – against one another, and assesses their respective failures and successes. But something which interested me more than the actual content of the novel is an idea that relates more broadly to historical fiction: the idea of the protagonist, and how their role co-exists alongside historical interpretations.

Obviously, with a novel so intently focused on one character, that vague and dreaded word “bias” is bound to come up. Well, all literature is biased to some extent; you’ll never find a completely impartial narrator. Mantel, at least, is subtle about her bias. She doesn’t promote Cromwell as the best thing since sliced bread; he is still quite an insidious character, and Cromwell, upon seeing the portrait painted of him by Hans Holbein in 1532, he remarks that he looks like “a murderer”. But more than that, Cromwell doesn’t refute this. The years he spent abroad in Italy and France are mentioned through the form of anecdotes, but the tale of ‘how Thomas Cromwell came to be’ is never really considered in depth.

One might argue that Mantel’s bias presents itself less as a sickly-sweet promotion of Cromwell and more as a criticism of Thomas More. Cromwell, then, is to some extent the lesser of two evils, and representative of a progressive form of Protestantism against a form of comfortable luxury propagated by More. It’s important not to forget that Cromwell, though certainly not a champion of the people, is still a man of the people. The differences are especially apparent in a dinner scene at More’s house, where More insists in having conversation in Latin in spite of, and implicitly because, his wife Alice cannot understand the language. Though this might not be so opprobrious in historical context, as Mary Volmer argues in the slugline of her 2016 essay, “historical fiction is never solely about the past”. To the modern reader, this is a striking example of More’s socially regressive behaviour, one which aligns us firmly in the Cromwell camp given the natural modern opposition to rigid gender roles. Of course, Mantel’s audience is not so one-dimensional to believe that an adherence to 1530s gender politics equates directly to modern sexism; we understand that More is ultimately making a stand for conservatively Christian values, which he sees as threatened by Cromwell within England and the likes of Tyndall and Martin Luther without. More’s vision, described in Utopia, is for a separation of the sexes in accordance with their defined roles; in church, “the two sexes are separated, the men go to the right hand, and the women to the left”. A reader might observe that women are sent to the sinistra (sinister) side of life, but that is not entirely relevant here: readers need only understand that More’s views are not exactly revolutionary. But instead of heaping praise on the saint for sticking to his convictions all throughout his time in prison, as previous literary figures have done, Mantel presents More as being so caught up in the idea of his own conscience that he is unable to follow his contemporary Thomas Cromwell in trying to establish a better England. He’s self-flagellatory not solely because he believes in self-flagellation, but because – in a vaguely Trump-esque fashion – he needs to demonstrate that he believes in self-flagellation. She presents him as so caught up in his own pride – and hence, hypocrisy from a Christian perspective – that he lacks entirely in any form of hindsight.

And for the modern reader, More’s prejudices are exacerbated in comparison with the Cromwell household, a place of relative religious and social relaxation, teeming with nephews and cousins and painters and fools. This, ultimately, is what Mantel does so well. She is as aware of her modern readership as she is of 1530s England where the novel is set.  As Francis Spufford, author of Golden Hill (which I am currently reading), says in a 2016 Guardian editorial, “narrative requires a harmonious development of mood… [and] a shape that history may not obligingly provide.” So while Mantel sticks to the history we all know, she frames it in such a way as to evoke feelings of sympathy for Cromwell at his wife and daughters’ death, before taking him to an even lower ebb with Wolsey’s long-awaited demise, and then, from that rock-bottom foundation, she urges the reader to watch him rise. And we get behind him, because he manages to convince us that he has our concerns at heart, and because, in a court obsessed with empty, overblown courtesies such as Monseigneur,  there’s a certain honest reality in Cromwell’s snide sense of humour and not-entirely-honest honesty. Mantel doesn’t need to make Cromwell a good person; she just needs to make him the protagonist. Yes, he might still be a shady guy who lurks in alleyways and will happily bribe and murder his way to the top, but he has a heart, or so it seems, and a certain self-awareness of his situation. There’s the sense that any moment now, he might turn to face us á la Francis Underwood: “Oh, don’t deny it,” he’ll say, “you’ve loved every second of this.”

Offred, Productivity Figures In Gilead, and the Misogynistic Dinosaur In The Room: The Handmaid’s Tale

I think, on my first reading of The Handmaid’s Tale, that I suffered from inflated expectations. Not in the sense that I expected it to be better, but I expected it to be more, in some way. The character of Offred – anonymous in her rebellion (at least in the novel), and just one among many – is ultimately powerless. This isn’t something that naturally sits well with us as readers. In the monotony of the modern world, we have a dire need for a protagonist who speaks out for something, who does something. I’m tetchy about coming back to the Katniss allegory, but one of the things that makes the YA genre so popular is that it takes ‘one of us’ and turns them into something so much more. We have an innate need to see our heroes and heroines being just that: heroic.

You could argue that this interpretation is unfounded. The Handmaid’s Tale, plainly, is not written for the same audience as The Hunger Games. It deals with a struggle of free will that goes far beyond the confines of ‘just another dystopian novel’. I found it a refreshing experience, actually, to have a dystopian story that was more about the day-to-day grind of life under an oppressive regime than about the vast political machine itself: the latter often being a vast, impersonal organisation full of proto-Robespierre characters.

Still, Offred’s lack of ‘active heroism’ is a bit unconventional. Indeed, she is, for the most part of the novel, taken along for the ride by the Commander and by Ofglen, whose attempt at grandiose rebellion culminates in her suicide. Ofglen succeeds in a way by taking back her own independence, but this is the bitter sort of victory which Atwood writes about so well. Her particular breed of heroism seems a path to self-destruction.

Conversely, Offred’s acts of small-scale resistance result in an ending that is, at the very least, sort of ambiguous. Personally I – along with most readers, I hope – like to think that Offred did make it to wherever the hell she was going instead of being industrially destroyed in the machine of Gilead, but the fact is that the ambiguity of her ending is one which has the potential to be much better than Ofglen’s, but also potentially much worse. But maybe that’s the point. With active heroics, you know what you’re going to get: victory or defeat. With the breed of Offredism, you’re not quite sure where things are going, and the likelihood is that she, like so many of these twentieth-century small heroes (I saw parallels to Billy Pilgrim from Slaughterhouse-Five, for example) is going to be just swept along by fate.

The interesting thing about Offred is that she tries to delude us otherwise. She’s – at the risk of sounding cliché – a deliciously snide protagonist, and her quiet, simmering rebellion is good to read, but the whole thing does have a slight undercurrent of falsehood. Though she doesn’t try to present her life before Gilead as being some sort of perfect paradise, her general vagueness in… well, pretty much everything, occasionally arouses suspicion. I don’t think Offred was a particularly good person before the war, or even anything close to that. But then again, as Atwood sardonically asks us, who is?

The problem with The Handmaid’s Tale is that all of its characters are massively enigmatic to the point of ceasing to exist, on some personal level. Instead of being people, they are Handmaids, Wives, Marthas, Aunts, Commanders, Angels… and Nick, whose title I forget. Offred manages to convince us that somehow we know everything about her, when the reality is that we know next to nothing. And even when the novel ends, it all feels so hollow and pointless. This is the point of the ambiguous, hugely unsatisfying ending, of course. And though the afterword thingy tells us that the Republic Gilead eventually dissolved, it’s almost certainly not due to the efforts of Offred.

On Gilead: the Commander says something about the Republic having made life better for the majority of people. Since we’re limited to Offred’s point-of-view, we’re never able to verify this, so the prevailing wisdom would be that this is just one of those ‘for the greater good’ speeches, and that Gilead’s leaders are as corrupt as Robert Mugabe. But at the same time, there is an ambiguity that exists, because when you look it on paper, and remove human emotion from the equation completely, Gilead is the perfect solution to cope with this sort of fertility disaster. Yes, the system is completely barren of humanity, but if you assume that everyone performs their tasks exactly as the system intends them to, and does nothing beyond that – not so much as an independent thought – it doesn’t seem so far-fetched after all. Which is to say that the Gilead system is a horrific breach of basic human rights on nearly every level, but it works… doesn’t it? We can all be with God, so long as we’re willing to sell our humanity to the devil… or something like that.


Review: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, by Jonathan Safran Foer

I’m still not entirely sure how I came across Jonathan Safran Foer’s 2005 novel, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, and I’m even less sure why I decided it was something I might want to read. Nonetheless, it was certainly insightful, even if I have to agree with an oft-shared view that the novel’s sentimentality is overdone to the extreme that I felt Foer was trying to drag an emotion out of me, rather than let it naturally occur.

Myself, I’m too young to properly remember 9/11, per se, so the conversation I have with myself about this event is doubtless very different to that of older reviewers. However, I’ve grown up in a world that has been moulded by its fallout in every possible way: from the seemingly endless conflict in countries that seem so far away, to the suspicion in which we view foreign culture both on the street and in media, to the sheer weight which politicians across the world attach to it in accordance with their rhetoric.

Foer’s novel is set in this context, in New York in 2003, two years after “the worst day”, as nine-year-old Oskar Schell refers to it throughout. The impact of 9/11 is never lost on Oskar, and through his eyes we see the sheer unfairness of the attacks. Oskar’s relationship with his father, Thomas Schell, is seen only in glimpses, but these parts bring out the best of Foer’s writing. But at the same time, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close is about the impact and effect of the loss, and not the moment of the loss itself. The narrative flashes back to 9/11 and the subsequent days, but doesn’t linger with it. And so I struggle to call Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close a true 9/11 novel (not that I’ve read in this genre), as it’s about Oskar, not the circumstances he faces.

What the setting does offer, though, is a clear comparison between the internal and external circumstances that surround Oskar’s character. Oskar, a budding explorer, scientist, and sporadic French-language afficionado, is naturally curious: he’s the child who tugs on your hand and asks why? Why? Why? But the genius of this novel is that there is no why, and we know this from the start. I had no illusions that Oskar’s search for one of New York’s 162 million locks would end in some sort of miraculous realisation on the part of his character that resolves his crisis. Yet by showing us the world through the eyes of a nine-year old narrator without that foresight, we do get the sense that maybe, just maybe, there could be something at the end of the road. There won’t be, but there could be. But by plying that line of childish wonder and by taking advantage of our cynicism at the same time, Foer tugs at the heart.

The only thing is, he tugs too hard. I always got the sense that Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close wanted to make me cry, and that’s probably the reason why it never made me do that. It’s definitely an affecting novel, but its attempts at emotionality, particularly in the secondary stories, feel a bit tired. By the time I’d untangled the threads of Oskar’s grandmother and grandfather’s narratives, I just didn’t feel the ‘right’ emotions. It doesn’t help that Foer’s use of form and language during these sections is incredibly unnatural. The author is a lecturer on Creative Writing at New York University, and much of his work speaks in testament to that, only not in a good way: instead of coming across as natural, it’s more of a matter of:

  Look at me, I can write a silent protagonist.

            Look at me, I can write in a weird excessively paragraphed style.

            Look at me, I can write about Nothings and Somethings and Nouns.

I think the main reason the ‘secondary’ parts of the novel failed is because his protagonists here aren’t as interesting as Oskar. I’ve heard critiques that Oskar Schell is just Jonathan Safran Foer in a nine-year-old’s body. There’s definitely some validity to this claim – Oskar is far more eccentric than the most eccentric kids, and the complete lack of adult supervision in his life is staggering and at times off-putting – but at the same time, I think it was meant to be like this. All art is self-reflection. What’s the point of writing for other people if you can’t write for yourself at the same time?

So, yes, the unrealities are excusable. Because when you think about, the world of New York in Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close isn’t real, and it isn’t supposed to be. It’s a sort of Van Gogh dreamworld fantasy, and as such, Oskar, eccentric, eclectic, is the perfect person to turn up here. Stream-of-consciousness is one of my favourite styles of writing, and while Foer is relatively obedient to the narrative compared to some other writers, a ‘tethered’ Oskar wouldn’t be at all interesting. ‘Interesting’ is quite a generic word to describe the character, and with adjectives failing me, I’ll say “I love him in the book. If I met him in real life I’d probably want to smack him.”

The other characters in Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close – the near-endless stream of people named Black, in particular – also smack of this eccentricity, even the ‘most normal’ of them. But it seems likely to me that this is because we saw them through Oskar’s eyes, and not because they are infinitely interesting in themselves.

Regardless of the problems that puncture the story just enough to make it distractingly imperfect, the ending of the book is one of the best endings I’ve ever read. As I’ve mentioned earlier, we’re expected to know that Oskar’s quest will be ultimately unsuccessful in the way that he wants it to be. And, in what is definitely an interesting literary choice, the narrative climax of the story – the digging up of Thomas Schell’s grave – is skipped over in favour of propelling us on to the denouement.

Except in this ending, Oskar doesn’t find closure. Rather, he finds the opposite, that the world is open before him, and there’s no meaning to it, at all.

But we should have known that from the beginning. From the open-ended title – does it refer to the birds outside Mr. Black’s apartment? Or to the beating of a child’s heart? Or to the relationship between the three main protagonists? Or to a United Airlines flight with hijackers on board? What about a teakettle? – to the mystery we know is impossible to solve adequately, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close is always a novel about unanswerable questions. With 9/11, there is no why – we can explain the planes and the smoke and the things that come after, but we can never explain the people or the way that fate dances this way and that. Whatever order Oskar Schell once knew in his life is gone. To quote the title of Seamus Heaney’s poem on the similar subject, “Anything Can Happen” in life, and in a way, that is what makes it beautiful.

This novel isn’t world-changing in a literary sense. I might even go so far as to say it fails in trying to make its literary point, which means that, in places, it comes across as extremely pretentious. But the emotionality of it makes up for its failings, once it steers clear of the initial manipulation. There are creative choices in this novel that I think only Foer can understand, and for me, the final pages were one of these. And then those last lines of text, those final reflections of a boy who always had to know why, but eventually realised that knowing why was impossible, were genuinely heartwrenching.






Review: Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 7, “The Dragon and the Wolf”

“The Dragon and the Wolf” isn’t perfect, and it doesn’t quite make up for the narrative failings of the previous two episodes, but it’s spectacular in terms of the acting, directing, and cinematography, and a massive 81 minute runtime means that there’s more space for everything to play out instead of being rushed. The scenes in King’s Landing felt like a return to GoT of old, and the confrontation between Tyrion and Cersei may be my favourite scene of the season.

It’s a very well-paced episode, but its greatest strength lies in the way it weaves its character arcs. Arguably, there’s as much character development in “The Dragon and the Wolf” than there was in the previous six episodes of the season. Tyrion, Jaime, Cersei, Daenerys and Jon all have a mini-arc of their own in this episode, and you can make the same argument for Theon, Arya and Sansa.

My issues with “The Dragon and the Wolf” are mostly limited to minor quibbles (Jon’s name is Aegon? Seriously?) and the fact that it doesn’t do quite enough to resolve some of the season’s earlier storytelling issues. Yes, Sansa and Arya were revealed to be on the same side, but that doesn’t excuse her weird behaviour in “Beyond the Wall”. Also, the lack of #CLEGANEBOWL was concerning, but #BoatSex mostly made up for it.

King’s Landing would be the logical place to start this review. I was a little concerned to see that the first dialogue of the episode was some of the usual ‘witty banter’ that Benioff and Weiss are known for, but the conversation quickly took a turn away from cocks and eunuchs to something more prescient. I don’t know how Grey Worm got to King’s Landing, or who controls Casterly Rock, or how Euron sailed back round Westeros (again), but I’ll let these problems slide, for now.

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The first 12 minutes of the episode concern the buildup to the parley in the Dragonpit, and it was good to see the reunion between Podrick, Bronn and Tyrion – something I was pleasantly surprised by, as I’d completely forgot it was happening. Brienne and the Hound also bonded over their not-quite-parental ‘love’ of Arya Stark. The location used for the Dragonpit and the scenes surrounding it is beautiful, and the long takes are fantastic. More on the cinematography later.

Things get going once our main characters reach the Dragonpit. Dany comes soaring on her dragon, in a scene that, frankly, is a little shoddy, but would have been impossible for the VFX team to make believable. Everyone shares some tense looks. We get teased for Cleganebowl, though ultimately the brawl that was promised never takes place. But that’s okay, because this is a talky episode, and a massive fight in the middle would have been a bit distracting. On that note, I can see why they got Jeremy Podeswa to helm this one, because the man is a master at long, complicated dialogue scenes. Between his excellent blocking and direction and the damn-near-flawless performances of all the actors (both the five principals and the supporting cast), the whole Dragonpit scene is one of the show’s most memorable, and it doesn’t rely on fancy VFX. And to give credit where credit is due, Benioff and Weiss wrote some truly outstanding material for this scene.

However, the best scene of the episode is the one which comes after, where Tyrion ominously walks back into the Red Keep and sits down for an audience with Cersei. Lena Headey’s Emmy is long-overdue, but if there’s ever been a scene that is Emmy gold, I think this is it. Headey and Dinklage have some of the best screen chemistry in the entire show, playing off each other’s subtle cues perfectly. Headey’s Cersei is like an onion; peel away the layers and you will reveal a vulnerable soul, but beneath that vulnerability is iron, and beneath that are yet more layers. It’s a strange world where a woman’s reluctance to kill her brother – one of the show’s most beloved characters – is heartbreaking. And as for Dinklage, his performance opposite Headey reminded me of why I loved his character so much in Seasons 1-4. This is also one of Dinklage’s very best episodes, matching up to “Baelor” and “Blackwater” – the former of which he won an Emmy for. It was one hell of a performance. And once again, this scene was impeccably directed and shot.

Cersei comes out and proclaims that she’s going to fight alongside the Northmen. Of course, this is a lie – like her pregnancy, I suspect – and I think Tyrion knows it. Nonetheless, Jon and Dany accept that this is the best that they’re going to get, and head off to Dragonstone together. The rest of the King’s Landing arc is the build-up to Jaime finally saying what we’ve been waiting for him to say since Season 5: inspired by Brienne and Tyrion, he tells Cersei that if she wants to take back the Seven Kingdoms, she can bloody well do it alone. There’s a moment where Ser Gregor threatens Jaime – to which I had a genuine “holy shit” reaction – but then, in a brilliant scene that parallels the Cersei-Tyrion encounter from earlier – she shows mercy once again, and displays some weakness under that cold veneer. She heads off after him, but stops himself. She must be a queen.

Over on Dragonstone, there’s a council meeting where Jorah attempts to subtly cockblock Jon, but the real point of these scenes are the conclusion to Theon’s fantastic arc in this episode. While I felt the “I have no balls” trick was a little cheesy and over-the-top, it does a wonderful job in keeping to the ironborn idea that “what is dead may never die”.  Theon gets back up, beats the shit out of ratface, and then falls down in the sand. This shot, designed by DP Gregory Middleton, with Theon in the foreground and the bluffs of Dragonstone behind him, is absolutely perfect.

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Up at Winterfell, Littlefinger gets schooled. Sophie Turner’s performance as Sansa was so genuine that I believed that Sansa had fallen for his shtick, and that this was ‘bad writing by those untalented hacks D & D’. So I was pleasantly surprised when the scene was turned on its head, and Sansa, in a brilliantly written scene, turns Littlefinger’s words on him and has him comprehensively torn to pieces. Then there’s Aidan Gillen’s reaction; he goes from mild confusion to desperation to a complete broken man in a scene that demonstrates the full extent of the actor’s ability. Farewell, Littlefinger. I won’t miss you… but at the same time, like all good villains, I think I will.

On the whole, I still don’t think this justifies the Winterfell storyline this year, which has been damnably poor in places. Though at the same time, I don’t think Benioff and Weiss could have conceivably written anything else. Winterfell is “on hold” this season, and for the plot to last until the finale, Littlefinger has to make some dumb decisions and Bran has to not bother talking to his sisters.

The scene ends with Sansa’s “the pack survives” line from the trailer. I was pleased to see the reprisal of the battlements shot from “The Winds of Winter”. Indeed, I would not be surprised if this shot closes out the series, with the surviving Starks standing solemnly together on the wallwalk as we cut to black one last time.

Sam turns up at Winterfell unexpectedly late in the episode, and immediately shares his findings with Bran, in a scene that felt a bit ‘off’ for reasons I can’t really describe. Bran then does some shady stuff with the fire and transports himself to Rhaegar and Lyanna’s wedding. I found it strange that Bran didn’t already know about this; considering that he’s done so much ‘research’ into Jon’s lineage, his findings didn’t really amount to anything. After so many years, we finally see Rhaegar… and he’s a bit disappointing, looking a bit like a discount Viserys. Personally I think would have been better to tease us with the joining of hands, but not to show Rhaegar’s face, but it’s not a huge problem, I suppose. This scene is intercut with Jon and Dany having tastefully directed sex on a boat… #BoatSex it wasn’t everything it had been cracked up to be, but then again, what more do you want? Also, Jon Snow’s name is Aegon, apparently. I still think Aemon would have been a much better name for him, but it’s not like everyone’s going to be calling him Aegon next season, is it?

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The episode ends with the Wall coming down. The Night King soars in on Viserion and burns the whole thing to rubble, allowing the army of the dead to swarm through the gap while an ice dragon soars overhead. It was what I’d been expecting since the start of the season, but seeing the great icy monolith – one of the few remaining constants in Westeros – come crashing down truly emphasized the power of the foe that the Seven Kingdoms will be facing in the wars ahead.

“The Dragon and the Wolf” is the episode that has rescued Season 7. It’s not a quiet episode, but it is reflective and thoughtful, and the reunions we saw here will not be easily forgotten. More than that, from a visual and cinematographical standpoint, this is possibly the most beautiful episode in the entire show. Whatever missteps Podeswa and Middleton made in previous seasons are always and completely forgiven. I’d be surprised to see this director back for Season 8, but with this sort of legacy, does it really matter?

It would be remiss not to recognise Michelle Clapton and Ramin Djawadi for their roles in this episode. Having everyone all in black has been unsettling, but it has paid off, and Djawadi’s score – particularly “Truth” and “Army of the Dead” – has been exemplary.

As for Benioff and Weiss… well, they’ve made some mis-steps with this season, notably in “Beyond the Wall”, but if you want proof that they can write, look no further than this episode. Oh, I’ll nitpick them to death, but I respect these ‘talentless hacks’ really.

Review: Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 6, “Beyond the Wall”

“Beyond the Wall”, the latest in David Benioff and D.B. Weiss’s list of inspid, blandly-titled Game of Thrones episodes, is arguably the episode that encapsulates the best and the worst of Season 7. I imagine this will be a divisive episode among the majority of the fandom; it’s certainly an episode where you can make an equally competent argument for it being among the show’s best or among its worst.

Unfortunately, I fall into the latter category of reviewers. “Beyond the Wall” is very similar to “Battle of the Bastards” in the regard that it sacrifices logic for action, but unlike BotB, its strengths are less impressive, and its failures are more pronounced. With BotB, I enjoyed the ride all the way through, and its logical inconsistencies only occurred to me on subsequent rewatches and on reading through forums. “Beyond the Wall”, however, is the first episode where the sheer graceless stupidity of the plot has negatively affected my first viewing experience.

My issue with “Beyond the Wall” is that it is downright insulting to anyone who puts a bit of thought into what they’ve just seen. Benioff and Weiss’s writing is downright dumb, and of a far lower quality than what I’ve come to expect from them, and they aren’t helped by Alan Taylor’s directing, which felt like an extended montage of ‘cool stuff’ instead of a cohesive narrative. I won’t deny that the big moments, like Viserion’s death and resurrection, were very well done, and will be game-changing, but as a whole, the episode left a sour taste in my mouth that I haven’t experienced since “No One”.

I’ll start with the Arya and Sansa scenes, as these will be the easiest to review… but at the same time, they managed to be the most awful. The lack of cohesive storytelling left me baffled, and I did wonder whether the scenes had been edited into the wrong order. They make no sense. This aspect of the episode was a colossal mess, saved only by Sophie Turner and Maisie Williams who both try their best, but ultimately fail to overcome a God-awful script, and ultimately give performances which are quite average compared to their usual high standards – especially Williams, who seems deathly flat.

The Winterfell plotline in Season 7 is genuinely worse than Dorne in Season 5. Dorne was merely bad, but Winterfell is on a whole other level, as beyond the reunions of the three Starks, it seems that any character who goes to Winterfell actually regresses – most notably Arya, but also Sansa and Brienne, who both seem to be running in circles that go nowhere. In their quest for ‘cool moments’, Benioff and Weiss have chosen to alter their characters at random to create a contrived, ‘exciting’ plot. Arya seems to have forgotten her “master assassin” training to become “a hypocritical and completely irrational bitch”. Sansa fares slightly better, but again the issue is simple: the Winterfell plotline is a slower-paced story that might have worked in the context of Seasons 1-6, but is completely out of place here, requiring its characters to just sit down and do nothing while everyone else in Westeros zooms around at 10,000 miles per hour. It also requires Bran – the all-seeing eye of the Seven Kingdoms – to do nothing at all.

I do have one outlandish theory – that Arya killed Littlefinger at some point between “Eastwatch” and this episode, and is now playing a game with Sansa, seeing how suggestible she is to southern whims. However, with what happened last year in “No One”, I don’t have high hopes for this, and I’m expecting the contrived drama to be solved in an equally stupid way.

(Also, the budget must be gone, because there are apparently no people in Winterfell save for Arya, Sansa, Brienne and Littlefinger.)


Meanwhile on Dragonstone, Peter Dinklage put on a firm performance, but again it falls into Benioff and Weiss’s mentality of telling instead of showing, forcing us through exposition that only serves to fill up space in the episode and other than that, just seems like an empty void. Then Dany receives the raven from Eastwatch and flies off to the land of magic and mystery.

North of the Wall, we open with some good conversational scenes. I particularly enjoyed Jon and Jorah’s conversation about the Old Bear and Longclaw. It was one of those scenes where the conclusion was entirely predictable, but it was fun to watch anyway. And even though I don’t love Jorah as a character, I can appreciate that Iain Glen is a fantastic actor. And the shared insults between Tormund and the Hound was the funniest conversation of this season; I might think Brienne is doomed to end up with Jaime, but I can’t fault the Giantsbane for trying.

Some time later, Gendry manages to run all the way back to Eastwatch (at the outside, that’s surely 10 miles or more, making at least 2 hours running time in heavy snow). He then has Davos send a raven Concorde airplane to Daenerys, requiring the bird to fly for about 1200 miles (24-30 hours), and then fly a dragon back (12 hours), while Jon and his crew of Dumb Cunts stay on their island for the better part of two days. I wouldn’t be surprised if they cooked and ate Thoros’s corpse during this time, because given the stupidity of this plan in the first place, Jon probably didn’t bother to take any provisions north with them.

D & D seem to have forgotten that they have a boy who can send messages instantly over at Winterfell, which would be a much more plausible explanation. Bran could inform Daenerys of the circumstances north of the Wall – and Melisandre, if she’d stuck around, would also have worked. That way, we wouldn’t have to see Dany until late in the episode, which would have made her arrival a genuine surprise.

Either way, they’re fine until the Hound throws a rock at the wights, which is apparently the signal for the mass attack, as the Night King didn’t realise that the ice was weak until it was demonstrably such. Anyhow, a moment later, the entire wight army surges across the ice, and then there’s a battle of epic and preposterous proportions, where Jon and his band of 5 named characters and 3 redshirts, fight off the army of 10,000 dead men. No prizes for guessing who died. Even so, it’s faintly ridiculous that they manage to hold on for as long as they do. There are some nice ‘hero shot’ moments, and the choreography of the sequence is outstanding, but the whole thing is slightly unbelievable, and there are no stakes and there is no horror whatsoever.

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Props to Jonathan Freeman for the cinematography throughout this episode, and to Alan Taylor for the directing, though I don’t think this was his finest hour on Thrones; the battle sequences in the latter half were entirely without suspense, even though that was mostly due to D & D’s unwillingness to create any tension by, you know, actually killing people other than Wildling #4. I expected us to lose Beric as well as Thoros, and Jorah, and possibly even Gendry. Back in a time when Game of Thrones had consequences, we almost certainly would have. Instead, Thoros dies, and… oh, that’s it.

Oops, I forgot about Viserion. This was the most unexpected twist of the episode, and it was possibly the finest triumph of visual effects ever seen on Game of Thrones; the dragon plumetting into the icy waters, blood and fire exploding out. And I can’t deny that I was in the edge of my seat as I watched Dany and her band of misfits fly away, abandoning Jon… but then I realised that the only reason they had to abandon Jon was because he’d entered a stupid battle rage, holding off the wights for no reason other than a shot of him staring dramatically at the Night King, and so he could drown, then be revealed as ‘not dead’, then get surrounded by wights, then get saved by Uncle Benjen, then have Benjen sacrifice himself even though there was enough room for both of them on that horse.

I’ve heard people asking why the Night King didn’t just kill Drogon instead of Viserion. I’m going to assume that he thought Viserion was a more immediate threat to his army – though this is a bit flimsy, given that he threw an ice spear at Drogon almost immediately after. I’m assuming the Night King set up this trap deliberately so he could get hold of a dragon, in which case he must have been chuffed to find out that people as stupid as Jon Snow exist.

After Jon’s miraculous and ‘unexpected’ escape, he and Dany find themselves on a boat. There is genuine chemistry between Kit Harrington and Emilia Clarke, and the romance is one of Thrones’s more believable ones. Emilia Clarke’s acting was superb this episode, something I doubted I’d ever say, covering the full range between vulnerability and empowerment and reflective sadness. Her realisation that the white walkers exist, and her reflection to Jon, is one of her finest moments as an actress. At the same time, lines like “thank you, Dany”, and the ensuing nonsense, prove that the kudos should go to Harrington and Clarke, not Benioff and Weiss.

Overall, what should have been one of Game of Thrones’s finest episodes turned out to be one of its most disappointing because of the atrocious writing, proving, once and for all, that lots of explosions are no substitute for a compelling story.

P.S. Kudos to Michele Clapton and the costumes department. Dany’s winter dress/gown/thing is my favourite costume of this season.

Review: Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 5, “Eastwatch”

This review contains SPOILERS for the fifth episode of Season 7 of Game of Thrones entitled “Eastwatch”, and for all episodes preceding it, and for the A Song of Ice and Fire series of books by George R.R. Martin, up to and including sample chapters from The Winds of Winter.

Every so often in Game of Thrones, there’s an episode which is bound to slip under the radar, usually due to the fact that it follows a bombastic extravaganza such as “The Spoils of War”. Hence it is the highest praise that this week’s episode, the somewhat insipidly titled “Eastwatch”, is probably Thrones’s best ‘quiet episode’ since Season 3’s “Kissed by Fire”. Indeed, in terms of the sheer magnitude of the episode, it probably de-thrones “Kissed by Fire”, being an episode full of massive revelations and some of the most realistic dialogue the show has seen this season. It proves that, aside from an occasional over-reliance on humour, hell, this Dave Hill guy can write.

“Eastwatch” is a significant improvement on Hill’s three previous contributions to the show: Season 5’s “Sons of the Harpy”, where he only wrote three-quarters of a script, Season 6’s “Home”, a solid if occasionally baffling episode, and the creation of an irritating child known as Olly. Yes, it does feature some Hill-esque leaps of logic, but these can be attributed to Benioff & Weiss’s story arc more than anything else. In some regards, “Eastwatch” is an extended teaser to next week’s hotly anticipated “Episode 66” (love the title), but it stands up really well on its own, with a focus on ‘getting the gang together’, heist-style, for Jon Snow’s Stupidest Plan Ever™.

I expected Jaime and Bronn to end up being captured by Daenerys, so I was both surprised and somewhat baffled when they suddenly turned up coughing and spluttering on a riverbank and managed to stagger back to King’s Landing. Nonetheless, I think the alternative storyline would have been somewhat predictable – and hey, I’m not complaining about Jaime’s survival. It has become clear to Jaime that Cersei cannot win the war ahead, which he’s definitely correct about, but she refuses to listen, with Lena Headey channeling a strange, irrational version of Tywin Lannister. As always, Jaime and Cersei’s scenes are a delight to watch, but the real treat this week was that Jaime had – wait for it – actual character development.

At the battlefield, Dany burns Randyll Tarly and his son Dickon alive. I have to apologise for my initial disdain for Dickon – yes, his head is too small for his massive shoulders, but that doesn’t change the fact that: a) Tom Hopper played the role really well, and b) he went out like a champ. A stupid champ, perhaps, but a weirdly endearing one. And I never thought I’d say this, but I was sad to see Randyll Tarly go, come the end. This was also Matt Shakman’s finest moment of the episode; those two burning pyres in front of the kneeling Lannister men is something I fully expect to come up on the Beautiful Death poster.

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Over on Dragonstone, Jon touches Drogon – not as thrilling as it might have been, since it was an obvious consequence – but still an interesting scene nonetheless because of the implications about his parentage (more on that later). Also, Jorah turns up. The scene was shot a bit strangely if you ask me – making Dany and Jorah seem like long-lost lovers rather than old friends, though Ser Friendzone lived up to his name when Dany hugged him. I’m finally starting to like Jorah, which, coupled with what seemed like a very fatalistic reunion with Dany, makes me think he’s almost certainly going to die in the next episode. And to be honest, that might be the right choice. Once he’s had a heart-to-heart with Jon about Lord Commander Mormont, I think Ser Jorah’s arc will have reached its natural conclusion.

Meanwhile, Tyrion and Varys have a heart-to-heart in the throne room. It’s a really good scene for both Peter Dinklage and Conleth Hill, with some pithy dialogue, but in the end, it fails because of a mentality of ‘telling instead of showing’. One of the areas where the Thrones writers frequently fail is in that they think their audiences are dumb; in their world, understatement is a dying art. We could have gained so much more from having the meaning of this scene injected into the performances of Dinklage and Hill than having it spelled out. But Varys got screentime, so that’s a good thing.

The best section of the episode for me was the portion taking place in King’s Landing, with the Davos/Tyrion buddy team. I was surprised that Davos seems so jovial about the man who killed his son, but that really speaks in testament to the strength of his character and the depth of his belief about the living dead. But the Davos and Tyrion buddy cop drama is fantastic. Both of them then head off to their separate meetings with Gendry and Jaime respectively. It’s always pleasing when the writers up the pace, because I didn’t think we were going to see the Jaime-Tyrion reunion until the next episode, at the very least, but in the end, it was pretty anti-climactic. Based on this, I’m almost certain that Jaime and Tyrion are going to meet again by the end of the season, probably in the finale, for an extended period of time. Meanwhile, Davos heads down to a forge to meet Gendry, because where else is he going to be. Having seen Joe Dempsie’s name in the credits, I wasn’t surprised by his appearance. I’ve always liked Gendry, even if I’m not his biggest fan, and my feelings of hype only increased when he picked up the warhammer. The warhammer! We’re in for some good times ahead, I think (providing he doesn’t die in Episode 6).

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The King’s Landing section ends with a very Dave Hill scene; some gold cloaks come to confront Davos, who turns them away with bribes and fermented crab. Now, obviously, this is meant to make a point about the corruption and greed that pervades King’s Landing… nah, actually, it isn’t. It was a fun scene, but nothing to write home about. And I was glad to see that Gendry didn’t bother going along with Davos’s ruse about him being some bloke called ‘Clovis’ (gods, what a stupid name) when they got back to Dragonstone. It allows to see the Ned/Robert dynamic as it must have been, bastard and bastard. Davos, meanwhile, drops the best line of the episode – “nobody mind me; all I’ve ever done is live to a ripe old age.” I swear, if they kill off Davos, someone at HBO is getting beheaded.

Also, by the way, Cersei’s pregnant. I’m not sure I believe that, because it seems a little late in the game to be introducing a baby to the mix. Also, that would go against Maggy the Frog’s prophecy (though if the baby is born, that could be intriguing in itself because it means Maggy’s prophecy was utter bullshit, which opens up some very interesting possibilities). And if this child is born to Cersei and Jaime… poor kid. You saw what happened to the last three.

(On this note, I think a baby is only possible if GoT implements in a time-skip of a year between Seasons 7 and 8. This might sound far-fetched, but I can see it happening – the war of men and the Others reaches a stalemate, and we end up with this.)

Winterfell was the least interesting part of this week’s episode, feeling somewhat detached from the main plot. Littlefinger’s plotting something, most likely some plan to put Sansa on the throne instead of Jon, and it seems that he intended for Arya to find the letter he left in his bed. We also get a really creepy shot of him leering from behind a pillar. Other than that, though, it’s most uneventful in the castle, though Maisie Williams and Sophie Turner have really great screen chemistry. Which isn’t that surprising when you think about, though I imagine that Sansa/Arya scenes will make up 90% of this season’s blooper reel.

In Oldtown, Gilly drops the FUCKING BOMBSHELL TO END ALL BOMBSHELLS, and Sam just brushes it off, ranting about Maester Somebody and his 17,000 shits. He decides to leave Oldtown in the end, since the war in the North is more important. I imagine we’ll see him at Winterfell by the end of the season, possibly via Horn Hill and the Wall. While Sam’s venture south has been one of my favourite storylines, and I’ve loved the Citadel setting, it’ll be good to see him back with some familiar faces… unless, that is, he runs into Euron while sailing north past Casterly Rock.

Anyway, with regard to the Motherfucking Bombshell™, it turns out that “Prince Ragger” had his marriage annulled and then married another woman, presumably Lyanna Stark. In which case, R+L=J is true, and Jon is the rightful heir to the Iron Throne. Of course, Bran probably knows all of this already, and we’re just waiting for the opportune moment for the reveal, which will likely be in the finale.

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Meanwhile, Jon and his allies sail to Eastwatch (the title sequence does a crazy rightwards pan from the Wall, which left me goggle-eyed), where the Fellowship of the Ring the Magnificent Seven is formed – oh, and some background extras. They set out to pursue the Stupidest Plan Ever™; at a guess, attempting to capture a wight is not going to go down well, at all. My guess is that Jorah won’t make it back, and that Beric, Thoros and Tormund will also die. Sandor’s still got a story left (Cleganebowl) so he can’t die, Jon is… well, Jon, and Gendry only just came back. Game of Thrones would surely never kill off a character in the episode immediately after they came back for the first time in three seasons…

Ahem. Osha would like to have a word with me.

So yeah, that’s about it. “Eastwatch” is a really solid episode with some great diplomacy, some high quality dialogue, and the promise of next week to live up to. Since Alan Taylor is directing this – his only episode of the season, I should add, and therefore one that seems likely to be pretty GOAT. I’m expecting big things. IMDb 10/10 rating. And for once, I think we’ll get them. This one looks to be Hardhome 2.0, even if the trailer isn’t giving anything away. And since it’s 71 minutes long, I’m looking forward to big developments in the other Seven Kingdoms, not just North of the Wall.

P.S. HBO, bring this Matt Shakman bloke back next year. Turns out he’s pretty good.

P.P.S. We don’t know the next episode title yet, but it’d better be “Wight Night”, or “Hardhome 2: Electric Boogaloo”, or for a more realistic guess, “The Night King”.

Review: Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 4, “The Spoils of War”

This review contains SPOILERS for the fourth episode of Season 7 of Game of Thrones entitled “The Spoils of War”, and for all episodes preceding it, and for the A Song of Ice and Fire series of books by George R.R. Martin, up to and including sample chapters from The Winds of Winter.

At just 50 minutes long – leaving me thinking, wait, is it over? – “The Spoils of War” is the shortest episode of Game of Thrones to date. Nonetheless, this episode perfectly demonstrates that quality is far better than quantity – a maxim this season seems to be taking to heart. It’s an incredibly tight piece of writing far superior to anything else this season, but though the dialogue scenes of “The Spoils of War” make up its skeleton, its heart comes from the action sequence which bookends the episode, an explosion of high fantasy action and violence that should make even the most cynical Thrones-viewers stare agape at their screens. Every time I hear the phrase “YASSSSS QUEEN” I get a slight urge to scratch out my eyes, but for once that sentiment rings true with this episode.

The ending sequence of “The Spoils of War” is the love-child of “Battle of the Bastards” and “Hardhome”; in shooting the final sequence, director Matt Shakman and DP Robert McLachlan have definitely taken cues from last year’s bloody extravaganza directed by Miguel Sapochnik, with cinematography by Fabian Wagner. That being said, Shakman and McLachlan have definitely brought some personality of their own to the early segments of the episode.

In the case of these battle episodes, you have to be careful not to judge the entire episode on the merits of a single sequence. In the case of “Battle of the Bastards”, the complete lack of story continuity means that I cannot in good faith rank the episode any higher than tenth in my list of favourites. But even without the final ambush scene, “The Spoils of War” is a fantastic episode. The scenes at Winterfell and Dragonstone justify that, with all the actors displaying excellent chemistry across the board. I feel like I should immediately address my comment from last week about Emilia Clarke and Kit Harrington’s chemistry. Last week they seemed awkward and stilted, as though performing against each other’s doubles and then having the pieces stitched together in post. But in this week’s cave scenes, under low lighting, careful blocking, and with a script that inferred romantic tension instead of blaring out the obvious, they were fantastic together, and I’m now thinking “The Queen’s Justice” was the exception rather than the rule.

S07E04 Dany Album Cover.jpgThe Dragonstone scenes were excellent all round. I particularly enjoyed the callback to Season 5 in the exchange between Jon and Davos – “How many men do we have to fight [the Night King]? 10,000? Less?”; “Fewer”; “What?” – which proves that Benioff and Weiss can be more subtle in their nods to the fandom than they have been previously. My only criticsm of these scenes is that the Jon/Theon scene felt a little too small in the grand scheme of things, though for the sake of pacing, I think D & D made the right choice in cutting it.

(And I’ve contradicted myself already. Great.)

Meanwhile in Winterfell, Arya comes home. Her arrival, and the subsequent challenge by the guards, is a lovely callback to a scene from Season 1 when she arrives back in King’s Landing and is similarly sent away. I liked that Benioff and Weiss made the circumstances of her arrival different to how they had been with the Jon-Sansa and Sansa-Bran reunions. I wouldn’t have complained about the usual courtyard embrace, but I think the idea of giving Arya one last trial at the end was a beautiful way both of concluding her six-season-long arc, and of illustrating the changes all the Starks have faced along the way.

Though the Stark reunion was touching, and I certainly felt something in my cold stone heart, the most emotional sequence for me this week was the parting of Bran and Meera. It’s good that D & D explained the change in Bran – “I am the three-eyed raven now” – though I still think this should have been illustrated early, perhaps instead of one of the filler scenes from “Stormborn”. Nonetheless, this is an unjust, harrowing, and horrifically inappropriate ending for Meera, one of the show’s must underappreciated and heroic characters. But this is GoT, and even moreso than in the books, heroes do not get what they deserve. There will be no Bran/Meera romance, no expressions of love or even friendship, only this moment to remember her… and the chance at living away from the horrors of the Long Night with her family, which, I suppose, is reward enough in this world.

But because someone has to say it, I will. Thank you, Meera Reed – though ‘thank you’ is not enough. You deserved better. And thank you, Ellie Kendrick. You acted your heart out of this, and didn’t get nearly enough appreciation either. I hope to see you back in Season 8, and maybe with Howland Reed at your side.

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Brienne got a scene this week, and Podrick had his first lines of the season, which is good. While it’s a shame that Brienne hasn’t really had much to do this year, it’s good to see Gwendoline Christie putting in a performance somewhat more in line from the Brienne we know from the books, instead of the murderous killing machine from Season 5. Her sequence with Arya was also one of the best small-scale fights the show has ever done; I particularly liked Shakman’s choice of set – one where it allowed Sansa to overlook things but gave a sense of confinedness to Arya and Brienne’s fight at the same time – and his use of POV camera angles. And damn, those are some acrobatics.

But the meat of the episode is the Field of Fire, where Jaime and Bronn facedown against Dany and her dragons. Without doubt, these 15 minutes of battle are some of the most heart-poundingly beautiful and fantastically tense we’ve ever seen in Thrones.

A lot of the battles in Thrones come down to their iconic moments, and “The Spoils of War” has these in abundance. The episode is shot to make you remember these instances: the charge of the Dothraki and their yodelling war cry, the moment Drogon descends from the clouds and Ramin Djawadi’s excellent score amps it up, the shots Bronn takes at the dragon from Qyburn’s ballista, coupled with the excellent sound design of… um… burning men. The VFX department deserves all due credit for making Drogon look more realistic than ever (so that’s where the budget went) – indeed, to paraphrase Joe Bauer himself, “the best thing you can say about VFX is that you didn’t notice it”. But the thing which elevates “The Spoils of War” above “Battle of the Bastards” is its emotional through-line. Much as BotB followed Jon, we’re now encouraged to follow Jaime, Bronn, and lastly Tyrion through the battle. It’s an interesting choice to shoot Dany from a wide-shot, limited perspective, as it gives her that cold aloofness that I think we need to show her that she is not just the mother of dragons, but also that dragons are a merciless and potentially apocalyptic weapon of mass destruction. “The Spoils of War” gets this across possibly for the first time.

There were moments when I was rooting for Bronn, only to remember that without Drogon we don’t get any of these sequences, only to remember that Bronn is cool, and so on. And in the final sequence, where Jaime was charging down Dany, I admit that I was firmly in the Jaime camp at that moment… yet from a narrative perspective, we would feel so cheated if Benioff and Weiss killed off Dany here. So Dany has to live. But Jaime also has to live. But—

In the end, I think Bronn should have died. I think both he and Jaime will miraculously make it to next week, but in that case, I feel like this is ‘jumping the shark’ a little too much. Nonetheless, I can’t deny that Bronn’s epic sideways dive was among the most exciting moments of Thrones, possibly ever, next to scenes like Dany’s arrival on the battlefield… the Bronn tracking shot… the ballista scene… wait, these were all in the same episode.


In the end, the only thing that remains to be judged is whether “The Spoils of War” is the best battle of all time. I think I’m going to have to go with “No”, since the sheer feelings of dread conjured up by Hardhome weren’t overtopped, but it’s a damned good battle, and the story and emotional moments make much more sense that “Battle of the Bastards”. However, it’s an incredible feat for 15 minutes, and when you put the rest of the episode next to it, “The Spoils of War” definitely stands up as the finest episode of the season so far, and one of the top 5 episodes of all time.